Grandma's thoughts and news on Emma

Friday, September 24, 2010

Fall Photos


Picking apples for Apple Pie and making her own little one

Campfire at grandma's means roasting (or burning) marshmellows

Riding on the train at Fishers Furniture


New playground equiptment at Sundance park

Trying on masks for Halloween




Having fun with Cassie and Grandpa Kevin

Helping Cassie cut Grandma's hair


A day at Grandma DeMaris and Grandpa Lee's

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Summertime Fun


Playing Guitar Hero with Aunt Cassie


Sporting her new airbrushed tatoo


Riding a horse at the fair

Emma at the carnival
Showing off her new dress and how messy she makes grandma's house
with the Veggi Tales

at Thousand Foot Crutch concert

Doing the girly thing..


With Mommy


With her new puppies.. Bella and Boo. When I asked what she was going to name her puppy she answered "hmm.. I think Kitty" Brianna wouldn't let her though.

At Rushmore Cave with cousin Tony


At the Cosmos

Mt Rushmore with Grandma Mert, Cousin Megan and Megan's stepson Tony

Sept 23, 2010 More Emmaisims

June 11:Emma called Brianna to wish her a good night. She told her mom that she is going to brush her teeth a long time and grandma is going to brush them a little time and mommy can't brush them at all, know why?... because Mommy is in the phone!

June 16: Last night Emma was playing with the CD/cassette/radio sterio in the livingroom. She turned it on and turned the volumn down then came running to me. She said "that man said "Emma" on there, he really did!" She turned it back up and it was a Johnny Cash song which is what Jordan always sang to her. I think Jordan would always change the words in the song to make it personal for Emma. When we heard the skip i said "that must be a CD but when I opened the three disc compartment I didn't see a disc in there. I said "there isn't any disc in here" and Kevin jumped up and ran from the livingroom saying "I'm OUT OF HERE!" I turned the turn table and there was one in there so we had a good laugh about it. I am sure Jordan was there laughing (probably planned it) with us.

June 22: Emma, feeling my cheek and then hers asked me "Grandma, am I getting old like you?" She thought she felt wrinkles on her cheek..lol

June 27th: Love little kids jokes. Emma's was "Knock knock." who's there? "Kangaroo" then she jumped off the steps into my arms..lol

Last night Brianna and Kevin were talking about the mascots for the polictical groups. Kevin told Emma that republicans are elephants and Democrats are donkeys. She looked at him and asked "Which ones are the zebras?"

June 29: We have three little baby birds in the apple tree in front. Emma and I watched the mommy bird feed them. She wasn't sure if she would like her mommy chewing up worms and sticking them in her mouth from hers...lol

July 9th: Poor Emma, one of her fish (Nemo's daddy) died yesterday and she was telling me about it. She looked down, so sad, shook her little head and said "Nemo's daddy died... He had cancer"

July 10: Emma came into the house tonight and told me "Grandma... I melled a gunk outside!" I said "you smelled a gun?" She said "No a gunk.. they spray" I said "They sprayed for bugs outside?" She said "No grandma! I melled a Gunk!!" ohhh she smelled a skunk!

July 12: Brianna told Emma on the phone tonight that this weekend they are going to Hills Alive. Emma was really excited asking if there was going to be music there. Then she asked "Mommy, do the hills move?" She thought Hills alive must mean that they are alive!

July 14th: I fixed green beans for dinner and Emma doesn't like them but I put three on her plate hoping she will try them. She tried to tell me to eat them, then she asked if grandpa liked them and I said "yes" thinking she will try them for him. She said "Oh good, i am going to give them to him!" Tara ended up with them though.

July 28th: Last night Emma was spelling out peoples names, only she would use her own "spelling" for them saying she is doing it her own way. I said Emma, you are S*I*L*L*Y to which she laughed and said "ohh I didn't know I had two L's in my name!"

July 30: Emma isn't here anymore, just Nova Candlelion or Candlelion for short... so the conversation between Emma and Brianna went this way "Emma, will you go in and get.." "Emma's not here" "ok Candlelion or whatever your name is can you go in the bedroom and get mommy or whoever I am the little yellow bag out of the computer case?" I love that girls imagination!

When we were down in Douglas Emma had a hard time remembering Laura's name so finally she just said "I am just gonna call you 'Subway'"

August 10th: Watching Scooby doo yesterday, Emma said "Oh I wish I could marry Freddie" I laughed and said "ahh he is too old for you Emma" She replied "I know, he has to be at least 4!"

August 11: Emma and I are going to sell waters for the church at the burn outs for a bit today so it should be fun. Emma is excited about all the bikers in town. She keeps telling me every morning "this is a BIG bikers day" We sit on the front porch and see how many colors of bikes go by. She really likes the orange ones..lol

Burnouts were fun and busy. Makes me really miss waiting tables though. Emma enjoyed selling water for the church and even made a $1 tip from one nice man. She really liked the motorcycles she said but didn't like the " 'moke"

August 12: Took Emma to her mom this evening. We saw the storm clouds building over Hulett and Emma exclaimed "Oh no Grandma... we are going to have a VOLCANO!!"

August 15: Eating Mac and cheese, Emma had two noodles on her fork and asked Grandpa how many there is.. he said 2 and she said "nope, 4" So next she got 2 more on her fork and asked me "how many is this?" I said "8" She looked at it and said "nope 2" and stuck it in her mouth and I said "see I was right.. it is 'ate!"

She was on a roll last night. She couldn't believe grandpa finished off the angel food cake for strawberry shortcake and she kept looking for it and asking him "did you really eat it all?" He wouuld tell her "yep but there is strawberries... left and whipped cream if you want that" Finally she told me "grandma, I want some strawberry shortcake, please" I said "well there isn't any cake, just strawberries and whipped cream ok?" She said "Yep, I don't really like the cake part anyway"...lol

August 17: I told Emma to go get dressed so we can go vote. She said "we are going on a boat?" I said "no.. vote, where we pick someone to run the state, county and city" She said "Ohh.. let's choose Grandpa!"

LMAO.. Emma came in the room after sneaking off with my pillow stuffing and came back with her shirt stuffed pretty full of it. She says "Look at me grandma.. I have a BIG baby in here!"

August 22: Making Cookies with Emma. She likes to taste the flour but learned today that tasting baking soda is pretty yucky!

Watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang again. Emma saw the eccentric grandpa on there and said "they have a weird grandpa" I asked why and she replied "he is ugly and dumb" I said "why do you say that?" She said "well he isn't smart and pretty like my grandpa!"

August 29th: Looking at the wedding and engagement announcements in the Sunday paper, Emma asked "Why are they all saying 'cheese'?" I asked her why she thinks they are saying cheese and she said "cuz they all smile like this" and showed me her cheesy smile..lol

September 1st: Emma has to be the sweetest little girl. Her mom asked her if she wanted to go camping with Grandma Marla next weekend or if she wanted to spend the night with me and go to church. Emma said "I don't want to miss my grandma, so I will go camping next time" then thought about it a moment and said "Grandma, would it be... ok with you if I went camping with Grandma Marla?" She was worried about my missing her to much.

September 12: I asked Emma what she wanted for dinner. She told me "chicken beef" I asked "Chicken beef??" After her explaining that we had it "last night" which was actually a few weeks ago, we figured out she wants Chicken fried steaks..lol

September 13: Emma told me yesterday "Grandma, my getting to spend weekends with you makes my heart so happy!" Makes my heart so happy too

September 14: Went to Energy, went to the park and then ice cream cones and here Emma is talking on the phone complaining that her grandma is mean to her, yells at her and is mean... then she says "no way boyfriend..." and hung up the phone and said "oh the cops arrested someone at the funeral!" Know how they say to think of three ...of your friend and if they are sane, you're the crazy one... well I am safe when Emma is around..lol

She is on a roll. She told me that there is a feather under my car... a deer feather! Now she told me "grandma, Sorry for hitting you" I said "when did you hit me?" So she lightly hit me on the tummy.

September 20: Emma again was on a roll with her making us laugh. Brianna took her to a longterm resident's funeral and didn't realize they had the veiwing right before when she let Emma go in while she was visiting with someone outside. Emma came out and informed her "Mom, there is a person in there and I am pretty sure he is DEAD!"

We went to my niece Shelby's wedding and Emma caught the bouquet. She was pretty happy with it until I told her it means she is the next one who has to get married...lol "Yuck!" is the reply I got.

Emma wanted to play like she is the teacher and I am the pupil. She said "grandma, pretend like you are the little girl who doesn't know 'everything'"

At the wedding Emma was introducing us all to her cousin Chloe. She said "this is my grandma, that is my grandpa, that is my mommy, that is my aunt" and when she got to Cassie's husband she wasn't sure what to call him so she said "this is my... ah... my brother" lol

September 21: I was melting wax for the jelly today and Emma said "I know where wax comes from" I asked where, thinking she would say from bee hives but she surprised me with " our ears!"

Forever 22 poem

Forever 22

As I watched you grow up, changing before my eyes
I spent a lot of time shaking my head and giving big ol’ sighs
You had such a sense of humor, crude to this old mom
At some of those jokes, for me, it was hard to stay calm
As a daddy, to little Emma, you were one of the best
Her sweetness and happiness showed you passed that test
I wish that you could be here to see how she grows each day
But God had other plans for you, in which I had no say
Now we have lost you in our lives, to watch you grow and mature
Leaving us with a heartache and pain they say only time will cure
Three days short of your 23rd birthday, from us, Jesus took you
Now we celebrate your birthday alone, as you will be Forever 22
Love you Jordan
Mom
June 21, 2010

Your Angel Took You Away by Darrell Neiman

Your Angel Took You Away
Composed by Darrell Neiman

It wasn’t long ago,
When you first came into this world.
God Bless your mom and dad.
And all of your loved ones who miss you so bad.
You shared your life with people who care
You’re a brother, father, husband and friend.
Your angel took you away,
She took you to the great unknown.
Your Angel took you away
She took you to the Great Unknown.
As I sit here with tear filled eyes,
I have to say goodbye, one last time
So long my friend I hope your Journey is long
Could you watch over us from time to time?
You shared your life with people who care,
You’re a brother, father, husband and friend
Your angel took you to the great unknown
Your angel took you away,
She took you to the great unknown
God bless your mom and dad
And all of your loved ones who miss you so bad
Good bye
Your angel took you away
Good bye
Your angel took you away
Good bye.

Forever 22... Rest in Peace Daddy.

It has been a hard summer. I am sorry I haven't written in this for so long but it is hard to write about our loss. Emmalyne lost her daddy, my youngest son, in an accident on June 12, 2010. My mother and I had her with us in Rapid City at the Kitchen and Bath store when I got the phone call from Kevin about Jordan's accident. I had to be the one to break the news to my little Emmalyne and explain why I was so distraught. I said "Emma, Daddy had an accident and he went to live with Jesus and Grandpa Ron." She looked up at me a bit confused and said "ok" I said "that means we can't see him or play with him anymore" She said "ok" trying to take it all in. On the way home she said "Grandma, I know why you are so sad, it is because my daddy died, but I am not sad, know why? Because I know him and we will get to see him again when we die and go to Heaven to live with Jesus too" She is our saving Grace and so full of faith and strength that it puts all of us to shame. She has her moments and has said some amazing things over the past three months since Jordan's death. She told us on his birthday "Know how my daddy looked when he died?" Then she held her arms out looking up to the sky as she was reaching to be lifted by Jesus. She also said she heard Daddy's crash that night she spent the night with me and we woke up and went to the bathtub store. She had been talking that morning about a night dream scarring her so i asked if that was what her night dream was. She replied "Yes, it was loud and it hurt my ears"
We took Emma to the viewing since we were worried she would think Daddy just went to work and didn't want to come home again. We wanted closure for her. I had to explain what she would be seeing since we also didn't want her to say "hmm you said Daddy is with Jesus, but here he is" So I took a can of pop and told her "the body is like this pop can, the soul is like the pop inside. When we die our soul is all gone from the body, just as the pop can be all gone from the can. You are left with the can and that is what we will see. Daddy's body, it will look like he is sleeping and he will look different because he doesn't have his soul inside, that is with Jesus. He will feel cold to the touch if you touch him." Then I told her to close her eyes and told her that anytime she wanted to feel daddy, we have to feel him with our hearts. To close her eyes and think of daddy. So when Cassie and Frank came over, she explained all this to Cassie this way " Cassie, see this can of pop? The can is my daddy's body, the pop is my daddy's soul and when we drink up the pop, my daddy's soul is in heaven with Jesus. Now if we want to feel my daddy we have to close our eyes.. close your eyes Cassie. Do you feel my daddy in your heart Cassie.. Opps, he just poked my tummy! Did he poke you in the tummy too Cassie?" She did well at the viewing but she didn't understand why he didn't smile at her or say he loved her back when she said she loved him.

Jordan's birthday was 3 days after his death so I told Emma we would get some birthday balloons and let them go up to heaven to daddy. I told her that we could even get a cake for his birthday.. and it could be chocolate since he won't be eating it. She said "Grandma, can we get a white cake so we can tape a piece of it to the balloon and send it up to daddy so he can eat some of his birthday cake too?" My sister said "In heaven you aren't sick anymore, so daddy can have Chocolate cake too" This thrilled Emma greatly, now he can finally have chocolate cake! That is what she told everyone who stopped by. Deb Davis brought over a large Chocolate Cake for his birthday cake. We bought candles and decorating icing and let Emma decorate it and put the candles on it. She then waited for him to blow them out. I said "daddy doesn't have any way to blow them out so he needs your help." She blew them out and we sent a small bite of cake up with the balloons.

The funeral was the biggest one the church had seen according to the minister. There were over 350 people there. Emma did very well in it, She looked at me and said "you have tears, my grandpa has tears, my mommy has tears... do I have tears?" Then the minister asked her if she wanted to go up with him and sing "Jesus loves me" which he knows is her favorite song. After that everyone there had tears in their eyes too.

She waited until she went home to Hulett and I wasn't there to break down and cry. I knew then that she was being as strong for me as I was trying to for her. She is my little angel.

She broke my heart though when she sat on my lap and said so hopefully "Grandma, can you make my daddy come back alive?" I said "no hon, I can't, I wish I could" She said this a couple more times to me then finally got really mad and said "YES YOU CAN!! You have a driver's license!" Each time she makes a wish, she wishes her daddy could be alive again. So do I.

Emma told me the other day that when she is asleep and everything is quiet, her daddy talks to her. I asked her what he says to her and she said "Emma, pick up that money I drop from heaven for you" Then she said "and he says 'Emma I love you'" She always deepens her voice when she says what daddy says, so precious.

I get Emma a few days each week so I can take her to sunday school and now Bible School on Mondays. It helps us both deal with it together and our bond and love is so strong. She told me the other day "Grandma, spending weekends with you makes my heart so happy" It does mine too baby doll.